I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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