There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
