You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
