Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
