we have officially lost it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mom said you looked used
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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