You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
