I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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