Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at about main and main street
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
