you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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