evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
