Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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