If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
