but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize