It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
