They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
