Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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