Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
