I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
