She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
