Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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