dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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