just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
