thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
