i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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