Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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