you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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