After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
