Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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