i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
