I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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