i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
