dude i'm inner monologue high
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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