She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
