in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
