i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
