I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
