I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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