Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
