the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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