When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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