There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
