I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
