just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
