hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
