I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
