I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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