we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
