dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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