i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
