She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me I should be a condom model.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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