Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
