A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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