i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
