tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
