spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
