he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
