Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
