There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize