he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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