Can i not drive my cunt home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
