Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
