i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
