oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
