so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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