I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
