I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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