If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize