I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And then he peed in my hair
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize