I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
