its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
