i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
be right there i have to get my cape
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
