The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
