Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
