Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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