I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
