the condom got lost in my hair
You smell like stripper and shame
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
