i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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