I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
